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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?